I remember...........

I remember, when I was kid in Russia, my mother used to caution and restrict me, before visiting somebody’s house, get together or any public place, not to speak to anyone until she allows, not to argue and not to question her or any adult. And if I don’t behave according to her command, I am going to be punished.

I always sat in a corner and was scared how to manage if someone speaks to me, it made me to stay as an invisible person in the crowd. However, many times people noticed me and spoke to me. My face used to become red with anxiety and I felt uncomfortable to converse and wanted to run away from there. It took long time and many years to overcome those fears.

I still observe this attitude of “am right you are wrong because am big and you are small” in many parents while trying to control their children and their behavior. Yes, it is necessary to keep a tab on your kids, but you should know to what extent. Parents should not restrict their children in such a way that it affects their psychological development. It is very common attitude in parents and elders that regimenting a child will make them learn good manners and make him better person in the society. It actually is a counterproductive, either they will become dumb or they rebel and reject everything you taught them for so long.

We should respect the child as an individual and help him to grow as an able individual. Don’t be lazy to talk to your child, explain and argue with him. You may think that your child is too young and not wise to understand the subject, and therefore it is not necessary for you to talk or explain. But how can your little one learn to understand, if you do not want to teach. There are certain subjects, which parents think is not advisable or parents themselves feel shy to talk to kids, or you may think it is not appropriate time for them to know. You should know how to postpone it for the time being. But please reschedule it and don’t avoid. May be it will take some time for him to understand, but you need to have patience to explain them twice or thrice to make them understand. After the child understands the logic and meaning it will be much easy for you to communicate with him.

Try not to put pressure on the child, and listen to his opinion, talk and negotiate with him. Teach him to think, make decisions, and defend his opinions. Let him make his own choice and it will help him to keep his self-confidence.

Just apply a bit of diplomacy, logic, wisdom and the parental love.

Ms. Olga